BREAKING FREE!

In secondary school, I was painfully shy. Now, I say "painfully" because i would be in literal pain, either physical or mentally, and I'd keep it to myself so as to avoid bringing attention to myself. I never spoke in public, especially in front of guys. My biggest fear, then, was getting shut down and laughed at, which is quite ironic as I positively live for chaos now.
I attributed it to my weight, then, which is funny because, looking at past pictures, I wasn't even close to how I currently am.
The problem wasn't my weight. It was me.
My cousin would get so pissed at watching me do stupid things like drink local bitters, to purge myself or beg my mom for liposuction.
Fun fact: Then, I really didn't care. Lol.
"Chisom, you're beautiful and smart. This isn't necessary."
I got so frustrated because I felt no one understood. At a point, my mom was convinced I was in "like" with a guy and this mystery dude was the reason behind my persistent obstinance.
In hindsight, that was really when the awkward Sex talks started. I still cringe at the memory.
If you're reading this, Mom, that was not the reason for anything I did. I was frustrated because I would have actual ideas, or even jokes but I'd clamp up because I felt no one would or could see beyond the physical.
I knew I had the potential to be awesome. I just didn't know how to pass that across to others.
I'm kidding!
No, i'm not...
"I wish you'd break free from this low-esteemed mentality"... Wise words from the same amazing cousin. They hadn't stuck then, though I wish they had. In through an ear, and out the other.
The point is, i get it! It's really not easy to climb out of that well you've dug yourself. It might not be stellar, but it's familiar and safe so you find yourself embracing it. All of it.
You can do so much better, though.
There are people that see the potential in you, which you've blinded yourself to.
Yo! That rhymed! And they say I've got the lyrical talent of Sponge Bob... Pfft... Who's laughing now?!
Anyway...
If you feel ready to break free from that bubble of insecurity, here are few steps that could help;
1. You're Amazing... OWN IT: Look in the mirror every day and list out impressive  things you can do. It can be as normal or weird as possible. Wait... You can read a thousand paged book under an hour? Impressive! You can shoot fire from your butthole? Even better!
2. Verbal Baby Steps: This has to do with public speaking. I struggled with this for a long time, y'all. Start with random casual comments. Something that was said pissed you off? Let it be known. It could be a mild "I don't like that" or a badass "Screw that!". If a situation becomes too intense, glare and walk out.  Trust me, they'd be left confused.
3. Love Yourself: Sounds easy enough, right? Wrong! It's probably the hardest one yet. This has to do with realizing that if you don't look after yourself, no one will. It's loving the good aspects, and caring enough to change the bad aspects of yourself. It's fighting for what you believe in. It's going the extra mile to make yourself happy. It's eating right, exercising, meditating, cutting off toxicity from people and social media, not because it's fun, but because you need it physically and mentally, and you're worth it!
If the above doesn't work or takes more time than you realized it needed, to actualize....,
4. Fake It Till You Make It (FITYMI): This is the golden rule. You bluff like your life depends on it. It's not possible to magically overcome your anxiety, overnight, so you bluff to yourself and others. Guess what? Most celebrities we look up to, if not all, still face such fears!  Brainwash yourself, if you will,  into believing that you can do ANYTHING, no matter how crippling you find the idea to be, and DO IT. 
What's the worst that could happen? Seriously.
I currently live by this rule.

That's it, babies. Try to break free from that which you know is below you. Don't wait until you're 70 to do what you should have done at 30. The world deserves to know you right now! Please, don't make us wait that long.
Much love,
Vicki Maris.  

The Toe-dipping Leaper.

Hi. My name's Vicki and I'm a toe-dipper.
Confused? Completely understandable. Permit me to explain.
At a swimming pool, there are usually two kinds of people. The ones who take a deep breath and cannonball into the water (Let's call them "Leapers") and the ones who stand safely by the side of the pool, surreptiously dips in a toe to check the water temperature and finally, decides whether or not to go in (The ever careful Toe-dippers, of which I'm one).
Hu-freaking-rray.
It sucks, ok? It really, really sucks.
I went to college, got a degree and doubted my choice. On graduation day, no less.
Don't get me wrong. I love Accountancy, but does it love me?
Of course I know that didn't make sense.
Or... Here's a good one. I write and halfway through, I think of what people would say about it, so I delete and move on to something else.
I'm so stressed out about my future, I don't live in the present. I don't "hang out" with friends. I don't hang out with anyone not blood  related. Period!
In a way, you could say that this pandemic changed nothing but the level of my anxiety. Pandemic anxiety. Panxiety.
I'm not weird, i promise.
Once. Just once, I'd like to throw caution to the wind and wind (it's funny how those two words are pronounced differently.) up doing something I love and making a shit load of cash off it. Basically being Richard Castle.
I want to be unpredictable. Spontaneous.
I want to be able to do anything, without having a panic attack over what people I care about, and don't, might think.
It'd be a kinda "love me, if you will" situation.
In much simpler words, I want to be a Leaper.

I HATE LOVE STORIES...

Not the movie, itself. No, no... The heartwarming story of Jay and Simran was, as Veer (fictional movie director and romance fanatic) would say, a "block buster". In this case, I'm referring to actual love stories; novels and movies, alike. I do not discriminate.
I. Hate. Them. All.
I mean... Did I cry, watching the movie "Titanic", when Rose let go of Jack's hand, dooming him to an eternal icy grave?
Yes.
Did I, however, shed tears when I watched it for the second time?
Also yes.
I mean, i'm no expert but let's face it; there was enough space to fit two people on that floating platform but apparently, someone dying is the greatest show of love.
Hello? Romeo and Juliet, anyone?

Random reader: "Sis, you're exaggerating."

Of course, I am! How else do you pass your points, meaningful or not, across? By calmly stating the facts like a normal human?

Lol. What are you? Mentally stable?

Oh, you are.

Nope... Can't relate.

Fine... I don't hate the stories, per say. I hate the way they affect how I think.
In case you hadn't noticed, I'm quite impressionable. I read one chapter of Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar", and it's "et tu, brute?" for the entire week. Or I binge watch my favorite K-drama series and it's "saranghae" to every guy that behaves, even slightly, as the character does.
So... No, it's absolutely not acceptable to portray love as this adrenaline-fueled, forever-spiralling rollercoaster when all it is, is prolonged lust and, finally, comfortable companionship.

Aww... Did I ruin love for you?
No?
Oh well.. It was worth a shot.

I'm kidding. Give it your best... Live, Love, Die.
This one is dedicated to Prosper, for whom I chose to write. Happy Easter, buddy.

- Vicki.

FICTION FRIDAY

I know, I know... It's a Tuesday. You could blame my warped sense of time, day and direction OR you could just sympathize with my inability to come up with a creative, story-related name that rhymes with Tuesday.
Viewsday Tuesday?
No?
Fine.
Moving on...
So, I had this idea, sometime back, to incorporate, into my blog,  the summaries of novels that totally rocked my world, whatever week they were read and all my brilliant and certainly not doped up brain could christian it with was "Fiction Friday".  And why not, right?
I mean, we're high, we're fly...we shall not die?
As you might be able to tell, that was a rather horrible rendition of the "We're here, we're queer" chant but I digress... Majorly.
Since I have this bad habit of distracting myself, I'm just gonna jump into the business of at hand.
Our superhero for today is no other but the amazing Rebecca Forster and her book, "Hostile witness" is to die for (Major pun intended).
In this book, we meet the formidable, volleyball player-turned- defense attorney, Josie Bates, the dedicated(?)  mother, Linda Sheraton, the Supreme Court Justice Nominee and Linda's husband,  Kip Rayburn, and the sixteen year old murder suspect, Hannah Sheraton.
A renowned judge dies in a fire and the entire town mourns a man who was as saintly as they come. During the burial, and amidst various news reporters, an arrest is made. What's that? It wasn't an accident? No way...
Hannah is jailed, pending trial while her desperate mother appeals to her former roommate and acquintance, Josie, for help.
 Reluctant, at first, Josie faces off a prosecutor determined to punish her for her past sins. After all, to forgive is to err...
Grudges are held, secrets are uncovered and saintly, dead judges are not as saintly as they were thought to be.
Sadistic sexual molestation, emotional blackmail and a thirst for truth. It's the holy trifecta of murder mysteries.
Find out exactly how far people will go to keep the dead, buried.

"Your Honor, permission to treat as Hostile."
     -    Josie Bates. 
"So directed."
     -    Judge Norris. 
LINK!!! https://www.anybooks.app/event/5e551b843d0241000f46faf1 VICKI MARIS

The United States of Ah- hell...

I know, I know... Y'all are (maybe) sick of hearing about Trump's impeachment. I would be too, if I hadn't just heard the entire story. You know the gist.
US President, Donald Trump, was impeached by the Democratic-led House of Representatives for obstruction of Congress and abuse of power related to his dealings with Ukraine. Apparently, Trump tried pressuring the U.K of Raine (get it?) into opening an investigation on everyone's favorite former US vice president, Joe Biden.
So, you ask? Trump goes after everyone, you say. Now, get this... J.B is also a frontrunner in the 2020 Democratic presidential race! Talk about erasing the competition before it is even drawn!
Now, we all know Humpty Trumpty isn't one to let this blatant impeachment disrespect go without a fight! And by "fight", I mean really harsh tweets. He had this to say;
"I got Impeached last night without one Republican vote being cast with the Do Nothing Dems on their continuation of the greatest Witch Hunt in American history," he tweeted. "Now the Do Nothing Party want to Do Nothing with the Articles & not deliver them to the Senate, but it’s Senate’s call!"

Damn, Donald. The "Do Nothing Dems"? How ever are they gonna recover from that, asked Vicki with a straight face.
For real though, we all know that the possibility of Trump being acquitted by the Senate is high. Think about it... Why would the Republicans wanna remove their guy based on, according to Russian President Vladimir Putin, "completely fabricated reasons"?
Although this event may cause a dent in the US history, it is unlikely it will be the reason for the President's removal from office because the Democrats would need about 20 Republicans in the senate to back them up and let's face it... That ain't gonna happen.
Then again, miracles do happen. We'll just have to wait and see... Or in this case, hear.
Get it? Hear, Senate hearing...

Have a wonderful holiday, everyone!

Vicki.
V- NEWS (minding your business...)

Shame of Thrones

Yeah, yeah- I know I'm being childish right now but can y'all honestly blame me?!
I invested time, money, my blood pressure - the works, really... And it was all for nothing?!!! No, sire. I will not stand for this! (Or sit.... Or lay down. Hehe).  I may not have access to the producers' homes to give them a piece of my mind but I can, however, show protest by slowly deleting every. Single. Episode.
*cue maniacal laughter*
That'll teach them to give Sansa and Bran the Iron throne...
Oh, I'm sorry. Did I just heartlessly give the biggest spoiler in the history of spoilers hence ruining the ending and flushing years of hardwork down the drain? You're damn right, I did!
Shame on you, shame on me.... Shame on us!!! Shane, shame, shame!!!

I'm sorry, guys. I'm not usually this emotional . I spend my free time adulting... That's how in control I am.
Oh, well.... What is dead may never die and with this, we bid Game of Thrones Adieu.

Moving on, most of you know that I do this blogging for fun due to how I'm programmed, as a person/ demi goddess. I will, however, try to add a little bit of serious world events to the fun package. It might suck but you'll love it!

If you want to reach me, email victoriaanyanwu335@gmail.com
Have a lovely week, y'all!

That's it! I'm moving to Florida!

I'm mentally exhausted. It's like everything i love is out to kill me. I honestly do not know what else to do- who to run to... For real though,  i'm tired. No, no, no... Not of life, you silly billy (anyone else think this phrase is weird?) I stayed up all night trying to complete assignments and read for tests. Sure, they were postponed thus twarting my efforts, making me weep internally but do I, inspite of this, despair?
Of course! I'm quite sensitive,  you know. Besides, I'm pretty sure science has proven that "breaking down" is the new "brave". There's no such thing on the internet? Really? Fine...
It's the most hated day of the week, everyone! Any one else excited? No? Just me then? Ok...
I'm sure some of y'all are wondering why I'm so cheery despite all the..."uncheeriness". That, my lovelies, is because I have a secret coping mechanism! No, it's not drugs and no, it's not my natural weirdness.. It's "Florida man" stories!!! Today's focus is "Florida Man Arrested After Hitting Dad with Pizza Because He Was Mad He Helped Birth Him".
I'm speechless... Honestly. One question though. Did he eat it afterwards or nah? Don't judge me, it's pizza! Imagine getting to do strange stuff like this everyday and people just shrug because... well... It's Florida! Except the parent hitting part, of course.. Like my mom always says "I brought you into this world, I'm not afraid to take you out of it"... Repping 9ja parents, all day, everyday!
In conclusion, folks... I'm moving to Florida!