That's it! I'm moving to Florida!

I'm mentally exhausted. It's like everything i love is out to kill me. I honestly do not know what else to do- who to run to... For real though,  i'm tired. No, no, no... Not of life, you silly billy (anyone else think this phrase is weird?) I stayed up all night trying to complete assignments and read for tests. Sure, they were postponed thus twarting my efforts, making me weep internally but do I, inspite of this, despair?
Of course! I'm quite sensitive,  you know. Besides, I'm pretty sure science has proven that "breaking down" is the new "brave". There's no such thing on the internet? Really? Fine...
It's the most hated day of the week, everyone! Any one else excited? No? Just me then? Ok...
I'm sure some of y'all are wondering why I'm so cheery despite all the..."uncheeriness". That, my lovelies, is because I have a secret coping mechanism! No, it's not drugs and no, it's not my natural weirdness.. It's "Florida man" stories!!! Today's focus is "Florida Man Arrested After Hitting Dad with Pizza Because He Was Mad He Helped Birth Him".
I'm speechless... Honestly. One question though. Did he eat it afterwards or nah? Don't judge me, it's pizza! Imagine getting to do strange stuff like this everyday and people just shrug because... well... It's Florida! Except the parent hitting part, of course.. Like my mom always says "I brought you into this world, I'm not afraid to take you out of it"... Repping 9ja parents, all day, everyday!
In conclusion, folks... I'm moving to Florida!