THE PERMANENT STATE OF "MEH..."

 Hey, hey, hey!  It's me, again! 

*ignores the boos and glares at the person launching rotten tomatoes, in my direction* 

Fine, I deserve the less-than-welcoming reactions BUT shouldn't you try putting your dainty feet in my low-heeled 'Christian Louboutins'?  I mean, give your girl the benefit of the doubt, here!

Did I make a promise to be consistent? Yes.

Did I, also, go back on my promise by ghosting for almost 3 months? Also, yes.

But do I now, with a contrite heart and a sober liver, make my way back to you all, promising to never leave again? Sure... Whatever helps you and my blog's traffic sleep at night. 

The point is we've all, at several points in our lives, made terrible mistakes and since I, quite generously, forgive your screwups and imperfections, you should also forgive my flakiness. *bats eyelashes*

Now that's out of the way, how have you guys been?!

For me, it has been the most monotonous time of my life. I'm not even kidding. I'm almost convinced this "work-life" balance people speak of is a myth because, personally, my work and my life feel pretty unbalanced. 

so, quick recap of what has been going on with me.

• Got drenched in the rain.
• Got better at my job? 

The question mark is because I'm so sure my boss would disagree.

• Met a guy I was so sure I would like.
• Started talking to a girl I thought was my arch nemesis. She's good people.
• Met Amy. She's chaos in a dainty package. 
•  Did not end up liking said guy. *insert any video game power-down sound*
• Realized my entire love life could be summed up in an episode of Issa Rae's "Insecure", without the raunchiness and foil packets. 
• Panicked.
• Started a course on Affiliate Marketing because if I end up alone, at sixty, I want to be loaded. Better to cry in a private jet...yada, yada, yada.

Amidst alllll that "excitement", I realized that slowly and surely, I had gone into a state of "meh." 

Let me explain...

You remember when you were an angsty teen, always making a point to let everyone around you know just how little of a fuck you gave about certain things? You put in effort to ensure people thought you put in NO effort. So, in a way, you cared. 

Now, being in a state of "meh" is unconsciously not giving a fuck about anything. It's like you lose the will to care, without even realizing it. 

"There's a spot open! Are you applying?"

Meh.

"Johnny Drille is in town! We should go see him perform."

Meh.

"There's an uprising! The robots have taken over!"

Meh...But also, thank God. 

There is no excitement but, worst of all, you don't care that there's no excitement. 

Don't get me wrong, I know different things are considered exciting to different people but, in this context, I mean anything you would usually derive joy from. 

Anything good enough to motivate you to...well...stay motivated. 

Like I wrote, earlier, I recently realized I had gone into a state of "meh". I cared for nothing, not because I didn't want to care but because I could not care enough to care...

Please, tell me that made sense.

The point is, realizing this, I snapped to attention. It's almost like reactivating sleeper agents by saying the right codes. I tried to remember what Vicki of the somewhat-past would do in situations like this and it hit me! 

VICKI. WOULD. WRITE.

So, Vicki wrote. 

Side Note: This third-person sentence thing is really growing on Vicki. Vicki likes it. But, Vicki digresses...

Now, my seemingly permanent state of "meh" is a bit more temporary than I thought because I forced myself to do something I remembered I enjoyed doing. But, as always, the most important focus of all this is YOU.

If you're like me, I would like you to, right now, dissociate from routine and go that thing that gives you joy. Go sing or sketch or skip or dance or sell your bloodline into slavery. Whatever brings you joy, my friends... except that last part, obviously. 

Second Side Note: The fact that I have to clarify that last part was a joke says a lot about our society. 

And, if nothing else, I hope this write-up makes you feel more than you usually do and turns your "meh" into "care". 

Do let me know what you think, in the comments, and feel free to share with me those little things that bring you joy.

As always and with love,

       - Vicki.