THE PERMANENT STATE OF "MEH..."

 Hey, hey, hey!  It's me, again! 

*ignores the boos and glares at the person launching rotten tomatoes, in my direction* 

Fine, I deserve the less-than-welcoming reactions BUT shouldn't you try putting your dainty feet in my low-heeled 'Christian Louboutins'?  I mean, give your girl the benefit of the doubt, here!

Did I make a promise to be consistent? Yes.

Did I, also, go back on my promise by ghosting for almost 3 months? Also, yes.

But do I now, with a contrite heart and a sober liver, make my way back to you all, promising to never leave again? Sure... Whatever helps you and my blog's traffic sleep at night. 

The point is we've all, at several points in our lives, made terrible mistakes and since I, quite generously, forgive your screwups and imperfections, you should also forgive my flakiness. *bats eyelashes*

Now that's out of the way, how have you guys been?!

For me, it has been the most monotonous time of my life. I'm not even kidding. I'm almost convinced this "work-life" balance people speak of is a myth because, personally, my work and my life feel pretty unbalanced. 

so, quick recap of what has been going on with me.

• Got drenched in the rain.
• Got better at my job? 

The question mark is because I'm so sure my boss would disagree.

• Met a guy I was so sure I would like.
• Started talking to a girl I thought was my arch nemesis. She's good people.
• Met Amy. She's chaos in a dainty package. 
•  Did not end up liking said guy. *insert any video game power-down sound*
• Realized my entire love life could be summed up in an episode of Issa Rae's "Insecure", without the raunchiness and foil packets. 
• Panicked.
• Started a course on Affiliate Marketing because if I end up alone, at sixty, I want to be loaded. Better to cry in a private jet...yada, yada, yada.

Amidst alllll that "excitement", I realized that slowly and surely, I had gone into a state of "meh." 

Let me explain...

You remember when you were an angsty teen, always making a point to let everyone around you know just how little of a fuck you gave about certain things? You put in effort to ensure people thought you put in NO effort. So, in a way, you cared. 

Now, being in a state of "meh" is unconsciously not giving a fuck about anything. It's like you lose the will to care, without even realizing it. 

"There's a spot open! Are you applying?"

Meh.

"Johnny Drille is in town! We should go see him perform."

Meh.

"There's an uprising! The robots have taken over!"

Meh...But also, thank God. 

There is no excitement but, worst of all, you don't care that there's no excitement. 

Don't get me wrong, I know different things are considered exciting to different people but, in this context, I mean anything you would usually derive joy from. 

Anything good enough to motivate you to...well...stay motivated. 

Like I wrote, earlier, I recently realized I had gone into a state of "meh". I cared for nothing, not because I didn't want to care but because I could not care enough to care...

Please, tell me that made sense.

The point is, realizing this, I snapped to attention. It's almost like reactivating sleeper agents by saying the right codes. I tried to remember what Vicki of the somewhat-past would do in situations like this and it hit me! 

VICKI. WOULD. WRITE.

So, Vicki wrote. 

Side Note: This third-person sentence thing is really growing on Vicki. Vicki likes it. But, Vicki digresses...

Now, my seemingly permanent state of "meh" is a bit more temporary than I thought because I forced myself to do something I remembered I enjoyed doing. But, as always, the most important focus of all this is YOU.

If you're like me, I would like you to, right now, dissociate from routine and go that thing that gives you joy. Go sing or sketch or skip or dance or sell your bloodline into slavery. Whatever brings you joy, my friends... except that last part, obviously. 

Second Side Note: The fact that I have to clarify that last part was a joke says a lot about our society. 

And, if nothing else, I hope this write-up makes you feel more than you usually do and turns your "meh" into "care". 

Do let me know what you think, in the comments, and feel free to share with me those little things that bring you joy.

As always and with love,

       - Vicki. 

  

A Children's Day To Remember

 "Transcorp Hilton or Maitama Amusement Park?"

I blinked. "What?"

My younger brother repeated the question, adding helpfully, "Mummy wants to take us out for children's day. Those are the choices."

Now, for me, it was a no-brainer. Transcorp Hilton was my go-to, any day and anytime. Everything about that place fascinated me, as a child; the playground where you got to meet other kids, the tasty meals and snacks and the always smiling staff that always seemed to have more ideas, each time, on new fun we could have.

If nothing else, I loved to stare at the top of the gigantic building, where the hotel's name was mounted. Doing so made me nauseous but I'd been practicing for two years, by then, hoping that I could do it someday and not get the urge to throw up.

Somehow, I felt this might be the year.

So I voiced my opinion, leaving out my long lists of reasons, of course.

"No way," my cousin retorted. Up until now, she had been quiet. "Yes, Hilton is great but we've been there so many times-

"Not that many," I grumbled, but she continued on like I'd never cut her off.

"- but we've never been to this amusement park before and I heard they've got the most amazing rides."

"True," my brother said, nodding in support.

I rolled my eyes. "None of you are thinking far ahead. Okay, say we go on the rides and end up tired and hungry, what would we eat?"

"Mummy would definitely take us to a restaurant."

At that, my brother and I scoffed.

"Wrong," he declared. "Chisom has a point. If that happens, we'll get the snacks they sell there because Mummy will insist we've got food at home but if we get hungry in Hilton, there's the buffet, the pastries and what not. You both get a point each."

Unwilling to argue and because I was and still am an awesome person, I conceded, graciously, to my cousin.

"Fine, we can go to your stupid park."

My brother brought our somewhat unanimous decision before my Mom and she was happy to make us happy.

On the D-Day, we made good time, as we arrived early. There were short lines, to our delight, and we quickly paid for our tickets, again thanks to Mom, and stepped up. 

We went on a few basic rides and then a major one called, "The Pirate". It was a big boat that swung it's passengers from side to side. It was amazing, especially as I got to watch strangers shriek in fear. I was certain it was my favorite of the day until we rode the Ferris Wheel.

To understand the hilarity of the event that followed, I feel compelled to remind you of who it was that insisted on us coming to the amusement park.

We had paid for the tickets, stepped up in line and assured the ride guide we were ready, before getting strapped in. Few minutes after that, the ride began and the wheels on the ride went around and around and around… and AROUND!

We all started begging it to stop as we were scared out of our wits and nauseous, but it just went on and on and on.

After what felt like an eternity later, we were let off and my cousin puked all over the grass. I wanted to vomit, too, but I forced it down, just to laugh. 

My Mom was pissed! Both at the debacle and me laughing. So she made up her mind to end our little trip.

We did get a lot of sugary treats, though, which, in hindsight, might have been what facilitated the vomiting. 

The drive home was quiet and having to drive past Transcorp Hilton made the mood worse.

"So…," I started, addressing my cousin. "Amusement Park, huh? What an amazing idea." 

She just groaned and faced away. Suffice to say that we never returned there until we became adults. But at least we have a story we can laugh about now, and wasn't that the whole point?

Making memories?

Based on a true story.

A Vicki-Maris Production.