A VERY TALE.

    A long time ago, in the slightly magical kingdom of Neverhappened, or NeverHap for short, there lived a mildly inconvenience witch.
She hadn't lived there all her life, you see. In fact, no one in the kingdom knew she existed because if they did, they would laugh and laugh and laugh. Like the mean witches did at Witcheroo.
    Now, most witches thought Milly, the midly inconvenience witch, was mocked for her strangely green hair and purple eyes. Others were sure it was due to her lack of magic. Only a few knew she had magic, albeit strange, but magic nonetheless.
Milly, you see, only had the power to cause mild conveniences.
    I know, I know. That shouldn't even be considered magic. Well, the witches at Witcheroo had certainly thought so, hence her not-so-dramatic move.
Now, she lived in a little cottage, on top a hill and, for the first time in her life, she was happy.
    The people of NeverHap, on the other hand, were...for a lack of a better term, repressed.
Oh, were they so repressed.
They were ruled, you see, by a dud king and his badmouthed queen.

Wait... Were you expecting an actual evil queen, with poisoned apples, hidden towers and cursed spindles? *sigh*
Those belong to Disney, ok? It's there, in the copyright agreement.
Anyway, back to the story.

Now, the king was a chill fellow who never gave-eth an eff-eth, while his queen delighted in crushing people with nothing but her words, which was kinda a bummer for those who lived in a place where people were beheaded for talking back to royalty.
"My goodness, Miranda, that forehead of yours should be registered as property investment. All that land space, am I right?"
Or.
"My, my, Daphne. With eyes that big, we shouldn't need a seer. You could see into our future AND past, am I right? I mean, you could have led the people of Israel to the promise land, am I right?!"

Author's note: For reasons of consistency, readers are to ignore that last part.  

    The queen was a nightmare, that much, they all knew, so they kept their mouths shut, laughed at her jokes when summoned, and wished a volcano would erupt and swallow them all. And so it was.
Or was it?
     One day, when the queen was out shopping with her guards, she bumped into a weird, little woman. She had a shawl over her head and refused to make eye contact.
The queen was pissed!
How could this strange woman be so inconsiderate? Didn't she know the queen loved to be fawned over?! And if she stubbornly refused to make eye contact, how was she to know that the tiara on the queen's head were made from actual diamonds and her dress, of real dragon hide?!
In annoyance, she ripped off the shawl and, immediately,  froze in shock.
    Her eyes brimmed with tears, as she took in the green hair and PURPLE eyes of the woman who was now staring at her.
Oh, gods of hurtful but internet approved comedy. There were so many jokes she could make! She had to use this opportunity wisely. Plus, her audience were gradually increasing, as people stopped and stared.
"Purple eyes, huh? If there were a space organization called SNASA, they'd use them to scan for UFOs, am I right? You know, I feel your hair would make a great flag for an unstable country called Snigeria. All that agricultural representation,  am I right?"

Author's note: The "S"s are silent. Let's avoid those patent violations, people! 

The people gathered were confused. Nothing the queen had said made sense, but they laughed politely, as was the law.
Milly fumed. It wasn't enough that this human made fun of her... She had to force people to laugh at dry jokes?!
That, in Milly's book, was unforgivable.
The clouds darkened and wind began to howl. People made a dash for their homes but the queen couldn't move.
From fear? Maybe.
Milly's eyes blinked furiously, to avoid the dust being kicked up, and her hair remained exactly the same. "I, Milly of Witcheroo, curse you- "
The queen pleaded.  "Please, no-"
" -with the curse of mild inconvenience!"
"Wait, what? Seriously?"
"From now henceforth, none of your clothes shall fit, and your jewelry will forever get stuck on whatever clothing you put on."
"Uhmm- "
"You shall forever confuse past with present tenses, and you shall laugh only in a bass voice."
"That's a curse?"
"Your tastebuds shall be switched. Sweet will, henceforth, become salty, and finally- "
"You're joking, right?"
"- your clitoris will NEVER be found!"
"NO!!!!"

And so it was. The queen was so ashamed of her constant use of "is" for "was", so she swore and maintained a vow of silence.
Milly was never seen again, the villagers were happy and the King-
-still never gave-eth an eff-eth.


THE END.

A Vicki-Maris Fiction.